“Turtles All the Way Down”: A realistic insight on mental illness

BY JULIA WENGIER

“Turtles All the Way Down,” written by bestselling author John Green, follows a 16-year-old girl, Aza, who is struggling with mental illness.  At first glance, “Turtles All the Way Down” is a mystery novel in which Aza steps up, despite her anxiety, to become a great detective (not unlike the plot of John Green’s “Paper Towns” or “Looking for Alaska,” with both containing star protagonists who solve the mysteries involved with the girls they have romantic interests in). Aza’s best friend, Daisy, is after the one-hundred-thousand-dollar reward that is given to anyone who can provide information leading to the whereabouts of billionaire Russell Pickett. Since she used to be friends with the fugitive’s son, Davis, Aza is pulled in right alongside Daisy.

At a closer look, however, it is shown that the mystery is only a part of the novel, which is mainly centered on how Aza’s mental illness affects her life. In just the first chapter, the reader is introduced to Aza and her anxiety, which she will frequently describe as a “thought spiral,” when she gets sucked into one thought. Whether it be the loss of friends, the failure to go through with what is typically thought of as a “normal teen relationship,” or the inability to connect with friends and family during a thought spiral, her mental illness is central to the novel’s development.

Typically, these spirals will center around her fear of infection from the bacteria Clostridium difficile (or C. diff), which is unlikely to appear but can be fatal in the event that it does. Accompanying her ever-present worries of bacterial infections, Aza constantly reopens a never-fully-healed callus on her middle finger in an attempt to drain it in case of infection. The urge to do so, along with changing the bandage on her finger, can get so strong that she has to pull over while driving so she can ease her building anxiety, which she describes as the spiral tightening.

Green’s novel, which was released on October 10, tackles similar themes from his past novels, including but not limited to existentialism, relations with what may seem like apathetic friends and family, the expression of pain through metaphor and the effect that reflections of powerful quotes can have on a person. Of course, no John Green book is complete with a story of teen romance, even if it is cliche.

In the case of “Turtles All the Way Down,” romance becomes prevalent when Aza reaches out to Davis Pickett to gain more information, so she and Daisy can get the reward. Memories flood back to them both from when they were younger, like how they looked at the stars together in reflective silence, or when they would play a treasure hunt game on Aza’s birthday.

Unlike many of Green’s novels, and to the relief of those who are tired of a similar plot in every book, the love story is not the main part of the book. In fact, the relationship’s dynamic is always at an unrest; Davis is constantly fearful that Aza is only pretending to like him for the reward (fearful enough that he gives her one-hundred-thousand dollars as a reward for not reporting what clues she has to the police).

Aza feels as if she is holding them back in their relationship when her anxiety gets the best of her, because she is unable to do what she considers to be necessary for a relationship, like kissing (while she enjoys it at first, her mind will scream at her that his microbes will permanently colonize inside of her once they enter and that she needs to check to make sure she has not gotten C. diff).

This is an example of something that anyone affected by similar diseases can appreciate about the book: it does not romanticize mental illness. This is an incredibly common mistake made by authors and moviemakers; by failing to portray mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, or various eating disorders accurately, they are shown as something desirable.

Green, having based Aza’s mind off of his own, does not hesitate to write the truth: anxiety doesn’t always get better, and it can tear friendships and relationships apart. Green makes it a point in the novel that people cannot choose their thoughts, but most can choose their actions based on those thoughts. For Aza, and others like her, this is not the case. Aza is almost forced to do what her brain tells her to do, even if she knows it is not the best option for the circumstances. Her anxious actions go as far as drinking dangerous amounts of hand sanitizer to cleanse her mouth of her boyfriend’s microbes.

This is an incredibly common mistake made by authors and moviemakers; by failing to portray mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, or various eating disorders accurately, they are shown as something desirable.

Aza struggles with existentialism on a daily basis; she feels that most of her thoughts are not hers, but are those of a parasite living with her, forcing her to think and do things she does not want to do. Her thought spirals are presented in the book as an argument between two sides, one rational side that is usually telling the story, and one irrational side that will come uninvited to ruin what could have been a fun time.

Aza questions if she is real since usually, people can sum up a person based on their thoughts or experiences. Because she cannot control her thoughts or experiences, she fears she has no identity, that she is trapped inside a foreign body and she will never escape. At one point, she recalls a time her therapist asked her if she felt she was a threat to herself, but Aza could not place who was the threat and who was the self.

Green followed up on his reputation of bitter-sweet endings that leave the reader wondering whether they are satisfied, unsatisfied, confused, or even all three. Tying in the mystery that has almost been forgotten at this point, Aza brings a sense of closure to the Pickett family, but cannot seem to find closure within herself. This was a meaningful choice, to show that there are no easy answers when it comes to mental illness. It was a risk to write this book, as any happy ending would invalidate the feelings of and anger those who do struggle with mental illness, in addition to not providing a realistic ending to what would have been a realistic book. Green ends the novel beautifully, leaving the reader about as satisfied as possible while maintaining the realism of mental illness.

“Turtles All the Way Down” is a story of many stories that all tie in with how Aza’s compulsive thoughts make up her experiences. It is well written, although the dialogue in all of Green’s books seems a little unrealistic in terms of how teenagers actually speak (because of her anxiety, however, Aza is not included in the mix of characters who seem to be impossibly well-articulated). The first book Green has published in six years, modern technology and the extensive use of social media are incorporated into the story, but not depended on, making the story timeless. The syntax used in the novel is extremely effective in communicating the complex feelings of every character, along with how they communicate these feelings to other characters. It stimulates feelings of fear, helplessness and stress, but also of hope, warmth, and affection.

Most importantly, “Turtles All the Way Down” is a book that those struggling with mental illness can relate to. It encourages deep, and sometimes scary, thinking about the world that many may not take part in often. It is a conversation starter that also ends stigmas of anxiety while telling a story that grows in complexity over time to keep the reader hooked. Although marketed towards teens, it is a novel that people of all ages can and should read (though it is a little dark for younger readers), because it tells a realistic and meaningful story of a girl trying to find her identity in a world and mind where she feels constantly lost.

Photo by Ryan Sullivan