BY: Savannah Keyser
When I think of Florida, a couple things stand out in my mind: oranges, alligators, palm trees, and, my personal favorite, Florida Man. Florida Man is a wonderful man who goes around committing some of the weirdest crimes I’ve ever seen. Of course he isn’t actually one man, but a series of men from Florida often referred to in news headlines as “Florida Man”. For the sake of this article though, let’s think of him as one man, it’s funnier.
Florida Man has committed a multitude of beautifully bizarre crimes and I love them all, but here is a list, in no specific order, of my top 5 favorite headlines from 2015:
1. April 13: Florida Man Advertises “Legit Counterfeit $$” on Craigslist, Is Arrested
I love this one in particular because this man had to go through several steps to put this ad on Craigslist and continually thought that it was a good idea. Also, the way he phrased the ad “Legit Counterfeit $$” is amazing. Counterfeit literally means that the money is fake and so the “legit” in front of it is useless. The real kicker is the two dollar signs though; I don’t know why but I absolutely love that he tacked those onto the end of the ad.
2. May 15: Florida Man Interested in Getting Tased Runs Through Airport in Underwear Waiving Nun-chucks
There is just so much going on in this headline. This man runs through the airport in nothing but his underwear claiming he has a plane to catch. He was headed toward TSA when the police finally caught him and tased him in the butt, only to find he wasn’t even in possession of an airline ticket. He was in possession of a pair of nun-chucks though. After being detained, Florida Man told the police that he knew he would be tased but he didn’t stop because “[he] kinda always wanted to be tased.”
3. December 15: Florida Man High on Flakka Rams Car into Jail to ‘Visit Friends’
This is such a hilarious headline that it’s hard to not love it. Obviously this man was seriously injured and was in a position where he could seriously injure others and that’s not funny, but the headline is funny. The man was high on flakka while driving his Toyota and rammed it into to front doors of the Indian River County Jail’s C Building. He then got out of his car, and attempted to climb the fence but failed when he got stuck in the razor wire at the top. He told the police he just wanted to visit some friends who were in jail.
4. May 29: 82-Year-Old Florida Man Slashes 88-Year-Old Florida Woman’s Tires with an Ice Pick for Taking His Seat at Bingo
This one is probably my favorite headline out of all of the headlines from 2015. I love it because it adds to the stereotype that old people play bingo, which I already think is hilarious. It also shows how seriously they really take bingo. This man walked into the bingo hall, saw that his favorite seat was taken, walk out of the doors and slashed the women-who-took-his-seat’s tires. I find it really funny because he obviously knew which car was hers, so they had to have been friends or something like that but all of that went out the window when she took his seat at bingo.
5. January 5: Florida Man Puts Dragon Lizard in His Mouth, Smacks People with It
I really like this headline. It really shows the extent to how weird people really are. This man, the owner of a reptile store, took a bearded dragon lizard and put it in his mouth. He then went around to his employees and smacked them with the lizard, which was in his mouth. What I love about the incident is that there is no specification as to how the lizard was in his mouth. It really left me wondering if he was smacking the people with the tail or the head. I also liked that at the end of the article there is just a line that reads “It’s unclear if the lizard was killed.” I know it’s not funny if the lizard did die, but the fact that there is so much missing from the article and just the idea of the scene in my head really makes me laugh.
Like this:
Like Loading...
