Saying sorry should be an admission of wrongdoing, a sincere acknowledgment of something that one is at fault for. But what should only be practiced to admit mistakes has become overused and almost meaningless in its application.
Apologies are too often used as a way to end a conversation and move on, but merely saying “I’m sorry” can have serious consequences. False apologies place an avoidable strain on relationships.
Artificial responses, in general, breed mistrust. Someone repeatedly hearing “I’m sorry” when the person addressing them isn’t genuine and is not correcting their actions is more likely to let their relationship with that person go. After all, what reason would they have to maintain ties if they are being continuously lied to?
Apologies aren’t about fixing a problem between people. Often, that requires actions and not a verbal response; but saying that you’re sorry is a start. Apologies don’t repair a
False apologies place an avoidable strain on relationships.
This isn’t to say that someone is always going to be able to avoid apologizing when they do not mean it entirely. At times, it is more beneficial to say that you are sorry to concede to a point; you have to pick and choose your battles.
For example, in situations where you are addressing an authority figure like your boss, parent or teacher, it may be better to save your protests for another time. Exercise common sense; in what situations would the person receiving the apology be offended with an insincere apology?
If explaining your side is only causing aggravation and the topic of conversation is not going to affect the parties involved tremendously, it may be best to save yourself the frustration and explain it to a friend later on.
But on the opposite side of the spectrum, apologizing too often can be harmful as well. Someone who over-apologizes is more likely to have lower self-esteem. An apology coming from someone who frequently uses them is less likely to hold weight to the person on the receiving end. It is important to admit wrongdoings and to avoid uttering a “sorry” that you don’t mean. There are other actions you can take to admit wrongdoing without apologizing.
Apologizing for something should be admitting that you have done something wrong, and if you feel you haven’t, it should be made known.
You can still take responsibility for your actions without apologizing, by offering your appreciation. When running late, instead of sharing a frantic “sorry I’m late,” thank them for waiting for you. Swap the apology with a “thank you” and save apologies for when they are necessary.
This concept is hard to grasp, mainly because when someone refuses to apologize, it feels like more of a slap in the face than someone lying about it. But doing so, respectfully, is essential. Take the opportunity to start a discussion about why you feel that you shouldn’t apologize. Do so without excuses, but describe the logic behind your actions.
Doing so may result in a more lucid explanation of why the other party feels that an apology was necessary and a middle ground can be reached.
Apologizing for something should be admitting that you have done something wrong, and if you feel you haven’t, it should be made known.
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