BY JEREMY HAAS
Hollywood is notorious for it’s tendency to ruin good movies with disgraceful, moneymaking, re-hashes of the classics we all know and love. Everything from Poseidon to Nightmare on Elm Street has been dishonored by the uncreative minds of the current movie industry. Along with the awful remakes we have subjected to, story lines have also been stretched out in an overabundance of sequels (IE; The Grudge 3, Butterfly Effect 4, and Saw ∞).But all hope is not lost, there are remakes that could be pulled off gracefully, and it’s time for the Hollywood moviemakers to realize what those are.
All Quiet on The Western Front 
This is considered to be one of greatest war stories of all time and having been written by a real war veteran makes it all the more interesting. It follows the story of Paul Baumer, and a group of his best friends/comrades, who have enlisted in the German Armed Forces to fight in World War One. The book, and subsequent movie tell of the horrors of WWI. It’s filled with death, violence, and tons of emotion, perfect for a current remake.
All Quiet on the Western Front’s 1930 film rendition was award winning and amazing for its time, however, by today’s movie standards, it’s definitely dated. The extremely powerful story of All Quiet would go elegantly with today’s advanced effects, making an influential movie that is not only educational, but also very powerful to watch.
One more factor of All Quiet that could work with today’s generation is that it is considered to be one of the most significant, powerful, and original anti-war stories of its time. The German novel was banned during WWII, as the Nazi party believed the book would discourage young Germans from joining the military. With the propaganda going on today glorifying war through video games and TV commercials, All Quiet on the Western Front could give teens an idea of just how serious war can be.
The Toxic Avenger
The Toxic Avenger is a hilariously awful horror/comedy that has quite a cult following. With an extremely low budget, and a number of sequels, this movie has generated buzz among movie-freaks since its release in 1984. The Toxic Avenger follows a scrawny fitness-club janitor named Melvin, as he is bullied by muscle-heads into a vat of acid, turning him into the crime-fighting, ultra-deformed hero, Toxic Avenger. Through much struggle, this new, improved, disgusting and huge Melvin fights off drug dealers and corrupt politicians, gets the girl, and saves his town.
The beauty of this movie is just how amateur it is. Sure there are a lot of B-movies out there with gore, but Toxic Avenger just seems to stand out for some reason. Maybe it’s because of how catchy Toxic Avenger sounds, or maybe it’s because everyone’s a sucker for a lovable-loser turned hero. However, The Toxic Avenger would make for an amazing remake.
There haven’t been many horror-comedy flicks coming out lately, and the ones that have are heavily underappreciated. If The Toxic Avenger could have more special effects, the right actors and a revised story line, it just might bring this genre mash-up to be more respected.
Everybody loves a super-hero movie, so why not try to bring back one of the greatest of all time? The Toxic Avenger was different; completely deformed, awkward, considered to be a monster; yet he rose above all odds to save his town. It’s so wonderful that even an old movie as cheaply done and pointless as The Toxic Avenger could still completely outdo the new Green Lantern with its expensive special effects and popular cast.
District 9 
No, this film doesn’t need a remake, however, it is in desperate need of a sequel. District 9 was an independent alien flick that, with a mostly unknown cast, received excellent reviews, won awards, and became quite popular. Released in 2009, District 9 takes advantage of modern special effects to make its aliens look believable and allow viewers to truly get into the movie.
District 9 is about an alien spaceship that lands, and eventually gets stranded on Earth. The aliens have come in peace, but after enough time of being stuck here, become quite the nuisance. They become segregated from the general public and placed into a government-funded area called District 9. In this living space, aliens sustain themselves on cat-food and take shelter in crude shacks.
While the seclusion does affect the aliens, humans live fairly normal lives outside of District 9 until meek government worker Wikus van de Merwe is hired to hand out eviction notices to aliens living within the area, informing them they are being moved to a new district. Merwe, treating the aliens with prejudice, stumbles upon one angry inhabitant, which leads to a dispute. After, Merwe is exposed to a foreign substance causing him to mutate into an alien himself.
District 9 was an extremely original take on alien invasions, reversing the usual roles of humans and extraterrestrials. With its mockumentary styling, District 9 seemed authentic, and was intriguing to watch.
Sadly, this motion picture ended with a cliffhanger, and promise of a sequel. Now, it’s three years later, and we are given nothing but rumors of a new installment being in the works. It’s time for a follow-up, but at this rate we may never know what is to become of Wikus van de Merwe, and the entire alien population of Johannesburg.
